I have left this post a little bit too late to clearly go through every update in scripting
Below is my 2nd draft of my script.
This version of the script received equal praise and criticism from my lecturers and fellow students. In positives I was told that the script felt more confident than the previous draft as the story seemed to be more clear with much higher stakes expressed in the story. however there were also criticisms based around the length of the script, the formatting of it (both of which I agreed with) Clifton set me a challenge to re-draft a version of the script ready for Friday so he could see it over the weekend. I agreed to this but then I had a discussion with Laura Meades. Laura has aspirations of getting involved in script writing and I asked her if she would be up for editing my next draft of the script to meet the requirements I needed (8 pages shorter, better formatted and more natural dialogue) Laura agreed and the next draft is ongoing at time of writing, I suggested coming up with my own draft as an alternative but Laura said that it would pretty much be a waste of time, which I agreed with and instead focused on casting yet again (more to come in future post)
So you can see the developmental stages of the script below is my 1st draft aswell as original character profiles and original outline. I hope that the changes this has gone through are clear, this story has changed dramatically from first draft and will likely change further in the new draft. the idea at this stage is to cut the unneeded dialouge and create a more visual story.
This is the outline of my edited FMP story, I decided to change the majority of the story but still keep a lot of the themes from my previous idea, as I found the character of Nate easier to write for, I aim to make him a not very likeable character who is blinded by his own ego and his lack of care or understanding for those around him.
- Band plays to packed club, they are doing well tonight, there is a large smile on the face of Nate (the lead singer) as the band finish off their set.
- Band meet backstage at the end of the show, Nate enthusiastically suggests getting some money together to finally record an album and then get some real money out of it all., The rest of the band aren’t quite as enthusiastic and asks him to think it over. Nate suggests paying for all of this himself and then later taking the majority of profits.
- The band meet as a practice session (or maybe pub instead) a few days later, Nate reveals that he has quit Uni to focus his efforts on the band and finally recording this album, The rest of the band are shocked that he was serious for once, but then immediately worry (for nate’s sake) If he has told his girlfriend. Nate reveals that he has not and heads off to tell her in person (before they told her maybe?)
- Nate returns to home to find an exhausted Jess that has just finished her day at work, He reluctantly reveals the news he has quit uni to focus solely on the band. Jess is not at all happy about this, She gets angry at his choice of words which suggests that it will finally bring some money into the house. Nate sleeps on the couch for the night.
- Some time has passed and we now see the band in a decent recording studio, the band question Nate’s business senses. Nate again refers to his ideal that an album has to be made, it needs to be sold in record shops to be big. Again the band questions him but carry on regardless because why not it’s not their money he’s wasting. A montage plays to show the progress of the last few days/weeks of recording and Nate and Jess’ detariating relationship.
- Nate tells the band that they have got an interview with a major record executive, he tells them all to dress smart as this could be it for them.
- The band arrives in a smart business meeting room, Nate is seen wearing a suit the others in smart casual clothes. They meet an executive from the major who essentially says he likes but he wants to market it differently, he wants to change the image and the style and to lose the self indulgent instrumentals in the middle, (he wants an album full of singles). Nate accepts but this causes an argument the rest of the band feel quite strongly against it, they argue with Nate until they decide to just quit. They leave Nate in the room with the executive. The executive is seen putting away the contract.
- Nate is seen making a call to Jess and invites her to dinner to make up for how he’s been acting recently, he promises to make up for everything.
- The couple meet up and although things start out awkward, they both seem to eventually enjoy themselves, until it comes to Nate paying the bill, he checks his wallet to see it is empty so he decides he’ll pay by card. The card is denied. Jess is seen to be angry at Nate as she reaches to her purse to pay for the meal, Nate realises he has nothing left.
- The Two return home and Nate apologies for what he has done, he realises he has messed up and wants to make things better, but Jess has other ideas. She packs his clothes says He can pick up the rest another time, but they are over and she wants him out of her house.
- The short ends with Nate outside the house with a defeated look on his face
Club/Pub .1 .2 (maybe repeat the place for .3 meetup scene)
House or Flat .4 .5 .10 .11
Recording Studio .5 .6
Meeting room .7.8 (outside shots will be needed aswell)
Character 1 – Nate? (temp name) 24 year old Music Production student, still living with his parents. In a rock band that he thinks is much better than it actually is. (dilution of grandeur) He thinks this due to better than average attendance and support at his local venue. This combined with his ‘partial’ musical education makes him think he is ready to leave university and promote his music… ‘his way’
He initially puts some of the bands music up online to download in an ‘anti-establishment way’, but secretly he harbours dreams of being signed by a major label, His plan of action is to invest the university money he’ll get from dropping out just after payment and using that to fund a ‘proper’ album, this will be the album ‘he’ feels will get the band ‘out there’ and ‘shake things up a bit.’ All of this is a major problem for his girlfriend ‘Jess’. His parents are very disappointed to discover his decision especially because he took a lot of persuading to get to there
(?? good enough grades at school but dissapointing to parents that expected better??? they have highly respected careers?Could they be doctors/nurse/scientists???)
Character 2 – Jess 25 year old. Been going out with Nate for three years Jess is less idealistic and much more mature than Nate, she supports him where she can but she does wish that he would just get a decent job and settle down, despite this she supported his decision to go to university as it meant him moving closer to her. She is not very happy to discover that he will soon be dropping out to pursue his ‘dream’ as she is already supporting him with some money and paying the bills despite him getting a full loan.
Charcters 3 & 4 – Bassist Mike 25 and Drummer Rob 24 both are quite well backed people in serious relationships (kids?) and have full-time jobs, but still find the time to occasionally perform. They are more than happy to go along with Nate’s attempts to take them to the big time but refuse to put any money behind it because of what they cite as ‘family reasons’ (but in reality they don’t see the same enthusiastic approach to it as Nate does) hence why Nate takes all his savings and the loans he can get from his education. Mike and Rob get along with each other really well as if they were brothers, Nate not so much, although they like him they don’t feel they would risk a lot for him due to his own inflated ego.
Character 5 RL executive. (34) This man is only interested in one thing and that is money, He does genuinely see some talent in Nate’s band but he thinks that it needs a major image rehaul for them to make ‘HIM’ any money, this is a character who is experienced in the business and knows what he wants, which is a major obstacle for the band to overcome if Nate wishes to see his dream come true.”